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i've lost it all, jobs, clients, even my ability to pay my phone, i have looked high and low for a job, but at 56, no one hire me, and now my health is failing, and i can hardly walk from room to room, let alone to an interview setting, and once they me, they pass jobs onto someone younger and more able, despite my resume, which is formidable. today i ed suicide prevention because though i wouldn't know how to do it i've been thinking of it a lot lately i'm just too stupid to figure out how. i don't have enough booze in my house to drink myself into a coma, and i don't even like the taste of alcohol anymore. the pain of cutting myself isn't appealing. i'm a fucking graduate of university and this isn't supposed to be happening. i'm ready to just give up. i can't even hold a garage sale to raise the money for my $ phone nobody wants anything i have to sell. i realize people are going through far worse than i am, but this is my 'bottom' and i am ready to just give up.
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