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This is so hard to write I have thought about finding a psychiatrist to discuss this but cant really afford one right now. So here goes. I have been in a really term relationship for 14 years. Things were ok at first but we gradually grew apart and, for the last 4-5 years have been little more than roommates. My main issue with my partner was always his lack of initiative and, for a time now I have felt that I am carrying the burden for both of us. We both came to the US from Europe and I used some connections I had and a lot of effort to help him get a greencard. I do not have a greencard yet, after living in the states for over 13 years. The path we used for his greencard could only be used once, so it was a choice between him and me. We did it for him. But even though he has a greencard, he has not worked a single day in the last 8 years. Nor does he make any significant efforts to find a job, despite multiple conversations and, indeed quarrels on the issue. I feel that this, more than anything estranged us from each other. I have a job, but because of being undocumented, it is rather precarious. Also, it does not pay especially well and for years now it has been a constant struggle to pay bills and still have something left over to enjoy life. Sex has been nonexistant between us for the past 6 years or so and we have both pursued it outside of the relationship. I had gotten used to it until I met someone a few months ago. I never expected this to develop into what it did this guy is studying to be a neurosurgeon, has smarts and amazing looks. Sex is astonishing. Somehow, somehow, I fell in with him and very badly. He feels similarly. He often talks of his plans, to have a home, to adopt and raise a. Of late, he has started including me into these plans. If I could make myself forget my current situation, the thought that we could be together, and realize these plans makes me incredibly happy. To be with someone who is doing something worthwhile with his life, how is hardworking yet knows how to have fun to dream of building a worthwhile life together I had forgotten what it was like to be alive. (continued)
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