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Looking For Your Perfect Man? Ok, look. I know a lot of you ladies, and I use that term loosely, are a bit depressed about being in the single dating world for so long. It seems hopeless and endless. I understand completely. So in my infinite compassion for your plight, I have decided to bestow my wisdom upon you, free of charge. Who am I to give such guidance, you may ask. Well, nobody really. But I have been married 3 times, so if experience counts, I'm the man! LOL!
The rules are quite simple, really.
1) Don't set your sights that high any longer. You're really not all that.
2) After you talk or chat online for about 5 minutes, exchange pics, have some cyber sex, then make the date. Don't tell your bestie about it either. She doesn't know shit anyway.
3) No matter where you go on your first date (which will also be your last date, but more on that later), make sure you dress appropriately. This does not mean wearing the latest fashion trend as portrayed by Vogue. It means a skirt, blouse, and a garter belt stockings underneath. Even if you don't give up the naynay, you can at least make him think you're ready for it anyway.
4) If he pays for the date, you will give him a BJ, no questions asked. This is non-negotiable, and you must swallow every drop (though the few drops running down your lips chin is very hot, so this is the 1 area that is negotiable).
5) If you're a vegetarian, stay home and diddle yourself. Guys don't dig chicks that don't eat meat. That's not a sexual innuendo either.
6) If you have big boobs, make sure there is much cleavage showing. If you have small boobs, rub some toilet paper on them so they will grow. I know this because it worked on your ass, didn't it?
7) During this wonderful night out on the town (or at his mom's house), don't ask a bunch of stupid questions about his thoughts, desires, goals, dreams, etc. He has none. He has money for beer and gas, so STFU and go with it.
8) After the date is over, it's time to make your decision. If you can see yourself waking up to that face (and hopefully hard dick) every day, and he was kind enough not to say anything about your stretch marks, spider veins, wrinkles, or muffin top, then it's a done deal. He will make an excellent spouse.
If he is texting other girls during the date, then it's a no-brainer.
Now see, wasn't that easy? I acknowledge your appreciation in advance. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.