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Yes, I think you're being selfish. You said, "She is Beautiful in and out, Driven and caring. She really is a prize." She is a fantastic cook, and keeps house. So she is contributing. She never contributed much money, and that has become an issue when it wasn't before. She wants she wants to be a mom, which is a harder job than almost any she could have. When she's toting around and changing diapers are you still going to say she's not contributing? You are not even 30 yet, and I feel like you be realizing the 'slump' that happens in relationships. There are ups and downs, and it's all to easy to exaggerate small problems and get divorced over them-if that's how you want to be, don't bug us. Most men women hoping they won't change-but you want her to change and grow. She is not going to actively pursue a hobby with you nagging about it. Why don't you pursue hobbies with her, or go to couple meetups where she can meet and befriend ladies to out with when you're not around? Why don't you ask her to do certain tasks that make you feel like she is 'checked in?' For you just to say you want her to contribute more and not giving specifics, you're setting both of you up for failure. If she is doing most of the cooking and cleaning-sorry she's contributing more than you're acting like. If you want her to paint the kitchen, ask her to. She sounds a bit depressed, and I would be too if my husband thought I was checked out just for being myself. You sit there and tell her about all these problems about her being checked out, and it seems like she's just trying to live her life. Yet you're not saying HOW she could be more to your liking. "-, you're not contributing and you don't have a life of your own." Really? How about, "-, I think you'd be happier if you got out and got some hobbies, made some friends-and how about adding ___ to your chores, so I feel better when I get home?"
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