Divorced woman seeking friendship

You adjusted me today m4m Thought you were a nice guy and you did a great job adjusting me. Thanks
Just wondering if you would be interested in getting together sometime. Not sure how you swing.
Let me know
Tell me what is my occupation so I know it is you.

Looking for a CP girl... m4w Just the other day I was thinking about the time I spent at Vista Way and all the fun I had on my program. I was just curious if there is any college program girl looking for just some random, nsa fun. I live pretty close and I am quite discreet. Let me know, I do have a pic to send back. If you live near the premium outlets but you're not a cp, that'll work too.

we dancing at malibu friday night I met you at club malibu. U really was a nice girl and i was very extoxicated. I dont remember your name but i think i u off but u was still smiling at me. I just wanna say sorry im normally not like that. U might not ever see this but i want to get a second chance. I really am a good guy. I cant get that beautiful smile out my head. I was the black guy all over u lol.

not looking for responses, just unloading some thoughts. Dear Husband,
When I was little I was told that one day you would magiy appear and we would be in love and get married and have a happy life together. Probably have two. You would be strong and handsome and kind and take care of me, and I would be and patient and smile a lot. That sounded very nice, but I was too preoccupied being obsessed with horses and The Spice Girls to spare much time thinking about you. It was enough to know you were out there in the future waiting for me.
Then somehow my early twenties arrived, and I was told to "keep an eye out", that you might pop up at any moment, bathed in a heavenly light only I could see, and I would know you were the One and we could begin our life together. It still sounded very nice, but in a small part in the back of my heart I still felt like it was too soon; I was too. So every year that you didnt show up I was secretly relieved. I read my books and rode my horses and spent a lot of lovely hours alone thinking how best to change the world, but not a lot of time thinking about you.
My early twenties turned into my late twenties, and since you had not shown up, gradually the conversation changed. For the first time I was told that I had to go look for you, make an effort. What happened to just appearing?? Apparently that wasnt on the table anymore. Ok fine. I joined clubs, made online , dated, forced my introverted heart to go out and learn how to talk to strangers, to seem interested but not desperate, funny but not hilarious, smart but still relatable, and the correct way to apply liquid liner. I went on a lot of first dates and had a couple short lived relationships. And every time I decided it didnt feel right I was told that I made the right decision, that I needed to be true to myself and that You were out there and Id find you. But along the way I made lots of friends, discovered I love people even though they exhaust me, became brave enough to change careers (twice) and attack challenges that me. Nothing was really said about that stuff, except that it was good I was "keeping busy". I didnt realize that all the fun and exciting and sometimes terrifying things I was filling my life with were just placeholders until you arrived.
Enter my thirties, and the conversation changed again. "Youll find the One" was replaced by "Youll find someone". Any warm body will do. That does take some pressure off, though I was really hoping for the celestial light to help me know you when I saw you. The question "Are you dating anyone?" was replaced by "Do you have?" And for the first time (though certainly not the last) I was told Im too picky. All of this was vaguely annoying, but ultimately not what really got to me. In truth for the past 20 years I had been kind of grateful you hadnt shown up. It seemed like an inevitability, but every year I was able to hold on to my freedom, my sacred solitude, my complete control of the Netflix queue, was a gift. And then this year shows up, and out of the blue like a punch to the gut I realize that I miss you. What the fuck, man. Nothing makes sense about that. I dont know you, Im not used to you in my life, I love my independence. And still, I miss you. Groan, I know. Its awful. Couple it with a genuine fear that this feeling is just me finally succumbing to societal pressure, and double groan. I catch myself noticing couples, the little kindnesses they show each other, and the corresponding ache in my chest. Something funny happens and I want to tell you about it. I have a bad day and I want you to give me a hug. A fucking hug, man. Its enough to make a girl swear off chick flicks and question her identity.
So this is my plea- please either show up, or release me from this feeling that you will. I took me years, 31 of them, to understand how to live in the present. But I get all fucked up when Im fixated on you, like my life hasnt really begun. Probably the most disrespectful thing I could do to myself is pretend like the last decade of my life hasnt mattered because of the lack of another person. Yes, maybe you are for real, and maybe there really will be fucking angels descending when I meet you. But Im not looking for any "You complete me" bullshit. Im completed (though a constant work in progress I guess). Im looking for companionship (and duh great sex). If I dont get that it will change the direction of my life to be sure. But it wont change the quality. And it wont make me less. And the only person I have to convince of this is me.
So, my dear husband, if you exist- I look forward to meeting you (at your convenience apparently). But if you dont- Im sorry Ive spent so many years thinking and talking about you (no offense). That time would have been better spent living.
**Im not looking for any responses to this, so please dont be a dick. Its me unloading some thoughts.